The Art of Loving

Ralph was at Joe’s to meet the proposed boy for his daughter Samaira. Since they were in a long period of sorrow, 963 days to be exact, and had to get over it, a wedding celebration was the better way out. Disappointed with the no show of the proposed groom, he was to leave when Joe asked Ralph if another marriage would suffice. Ralph wondered if Joe had another boy in mind.  ‘No’ said Joe ‘A girl’. They were seated in the living area. Joe got Ralph turn around and see a young girl leave the apartment. Ralph agreed she would make a good wife for his son.
A week later the father son duo visited Joe to meet a groom that never was. After a long wait they decided to depart. On descending the stairway Ralph got Raj to ring the bell of another door. It was the last bell heard, for soon the city plunged into darkness. A short while later, the door cracked open and there stood a young girl, candle in hand that shone her pretty face. They entered the living area as the customary Tea and Biscuits were served in darkness. Little did he know that he was within kissing distance of his to be bride.
A showdown on the high street and Raj had to acquiesce to Ralphs terms. As they got home Raj informed his siblings that instead of a boy they met a girl and he agreed to his father’s demands. It was an independence of a different kind to find himself engaged on that momentous day.
Marriage was confirmed for November. How the heavens roared at the appointed hour.Was this a Monsoon Wedding. And they were solemnized at the ceremony as Man & Wife.
Raj didn’t know his wife until they got married. But he proclaimed a self confessed love to her on that second night. She kind of gave him this half-shy, half-amused smile, nodded and looked off. Raj was heartbroken by the response. Why wasn’t he getting reciprocal lovey-dovey-ness as a just married couple? Love for him was an emotion to be expressed.

Now retired, he found himself offering to help out around the house more and more. And after each time, there would be this look she would give him.  This look of absolute love.  One that was soft and so beautiful. It took him longer than he cared to admit and understand what was happening. But eventually it became clear.  Through giving, through doing things for his wife, the emotion that he had been so desperately seeking naturally came about.  It wasn’t something he could force, just something that would come about as a result of his giving. In other words, it was in the practicality that he found the love he was looking for. And what was even more interesting was that once he realized this on a conscious level, he started trying to find more opportunities to help and the more they both almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey.  When he let it out of his chest that night, it wasn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. And that’s why his wife just gave him that half-smile.  She knew, even if he didn’t, what love really is.

Now a bit more experienced with this relationship, he has finally come to realize something. Something he didn’t want to admit for a long time. He didn’t love her when they got engaged. He didn’t even love her when they got married. He didn’t love her on that second night. The fire he felt, was simply an emotional heat from the excitement of being around a woman  It wasn’t love. Love isn’t an emotion or even a noun.  It’s a verb. Better defined as giving...As putting someone else’s needs above your own.